


Desperate Times

by bloodyguitar



Series: Apex Crack [1]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: ASMR, i can't believe i wrote this but i'm glad i did lmao, this is what happens when being tired meets crack ideas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 00:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18297080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyguitar/pseuds/bloodyguitar
Summary: Everything you post online is there forever. It will come back to haunt you, as Caustic finds out the hard way.





	Desperate Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Oceanic_Bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oceanic_Bard/gifts).



> A gift for the wonderful Oceanic_Bard. Sorry in advance for errors, since my eyes are too fuzzy right now to edit, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :]

There was a lull of activity between the downfall of Humbert Labs, and the death of Alexander Nox and his coworkers. Caustic found himself struggling to make ends meet a couple years after the incident. Nox’s pay was ludicrous for an insecticide developer for the Frontier, but he produced phenomenal results and was given an eight figure salary. Caustic had a surplus of tools, equipment, and ingredients at his disposal for a time; he slowly ferried them to his private laboratory at his house. But those, along with what remained in his bank account, drained dry within a year.

Caustic found himself turning to the Supernet to make ends meet. A little coin here, a little credit there, and he was able to eat (not as lavishly as he would have liked); but, he was unable to solicit the stuff he needed to develop his formulas. And that, frustrated him the most.

Hours of research led Caustic to an answer so unlikely, that he would have sneered at it had he not witnessed the results. ASMR, autonomous sensory meridian response, as it were, was grossly popular on the Supernet and the most renowned ASMR creators raked in unimaginable amounts of money. The items they used to create sounds were insane ( _ Is that a R3T4 micro-motherboard she’s tapping on? The very same motherboard used to control the Ring that destroyed half the Outlands in the war?  _ Caustic thought, baffled.); and, the microphones they used cost 20,000 credits (and that was one of the cheaper models).

Surely, Caustic assumes, it can’t be too difficult to earn money this way. While it might be the strangest thing he’s done, desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say.

He found an old webcam, and fixed the broken lens, found one working binaural microphone, and picked a simple editing software for his videos. It took a while, but slowly his subscriber count rose, and he began to flex a little creative freedom. He refused to show his face, which was fine, many of them didn’t. Thankfully, that didn’t stunt his channel’s growth.

A few months after, Caustic receives a comment asking him to open a Creatreon account so that they can donate money directly to him, instead of having to gas up his videos with advertisements picked by VidShow. He creates the account, and each week he receives a small boost to his earnings. Not enough to fix the lights in his lab, and pay rent, but he hopes that people will donate more soon.

A few weeks pass, and a massive donation of 50,000 credits comes through his Creatreon, followed by a request: “I love ur videos and ur voice so much Gas Daddy! I’ve never felt so relaxed (and a little turned on) by a voice before. Could u say in one of ur videos “Yes, I am your gas daddy!” I’ll send u more creds if u do :)”

As tempting as those credits were, Caustic hovered his cursor over the delete button. SpEeDdEmOnZ345’s request was humiliating, but it was debilitating not being able to properly craft like he used to, so he accepted, and replied that he would fulfill the request in his next video.

Of course, that video had to be Caustic’s most popular, but it brought him a continuous stream of revenue, even months after it was uploaded, so he didn’t take it down.

***

The Apex Games were beginning another season, and Caustic was determined to win. With the prize money, he’d be able to fund his research and kill the planet five times over. A marvelous concept, one that he thought about daily, and hated when his day-dreaming was interrupted.

“Hello, friend!” Pathfinder called out, jogging over to Caustic’s table.

The scientist grunted in reply.

  
“I found something that sounds like you, friend. It’s very funny. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Caustic rolled his eyes, mindlessly tapping his tablet, angrily sipping his coffee, and ignoring Pathfinder hoping it would go away.

It didn’t.

Instead, Pathfinder sat down next to Caustic, and placed a mini tablet next to his ear.

Sure enough, Caustic’s voice came through those speakers, but he wasn’t expecting to hear, “Yes, I am your gas daddy” ever again in his life, and the shock of it all has him choking on his coffee.

Pathfinder smacks Caustic’s shoulder as he sputters and coughs.

“Where the hell did you even find that?”

“Wraith was showing me some ASMR videos, and I thought they were cool!” Pathfinder bounced. “I decided to look at all of the 4,669,301 channels that are out there, and I found yours.”

Caustic grumbled, “Of all the videos you had to unearth…”

“It’s your most popular one! How could I not watch it?”

To Caustic’s horror, Pathfinder rewinds the video and plays the quote again. Caustic snatches the mini tablet out of it’s hands, nearly crushing it. He leaned towards Pathfinder.

“Don’t play this for anyone, do you understand?"

Pathfinder nodded. “I understand, friend. I won’t show a soul.”

Caustic muttered something under his breath as he tossed Pathfinder’s mini tablet on the table, grabbed his own tablet and mug, and left.

Pathfinder grabs its belongings, and with one look at Caustic’s retreating back, quickly downloads the video. Its emotion plate switches to a devilish expression.

“I can’t wait to show off my new ringtone.”

***

Blood, bullets, and bombs fly through the air as the Game comes to a rapidly approaching end. Three full squads remain, and they had every Legend in the lineup. Which meant Round 3 was shaping up to be an intense closer.

They were all holed in various buildings around Skull Town. Caustic, Gibraltar, and Bangalore were cornered by Bloodhound, Wraith, and Octane into one of the smaller buildings; but, Pathfinder, Mirage, and Lifeline had Bloodhound’s squad pinned down.

The gunfire ceased, and the crunch of sand on the other side of the wall was the only indication that someone was moving somewhere. Slowly, each squad closed in on each other, until they were all pushed outside into the whipping sands.Guns were drawn, grenades were armed, and for a beat the Legends were about to spring into an elaborate dance, when suddenly, Pathfinder’s tablet went off.

“Yes, I am your gas daddy. Yes, I am your gas daddy. Yes, I am your gas daddy.”

No one moved. Everyone had their eyes on Pathfinder; each in various states of disbelief, bewilderment, and for one man, pure horrific rage.

“Oops, sorry about that,” Pathfinder clicks off the tablet. “Now, where were we?”

Again, no one moved to attack. Everyone turned their attention towards Caustic. The silence between them was more deafening than the gunfire.

Mirage chokes on a laugh, and Caustic whips around, pointing his Peacekeeper at him. 

“If anyone has a problem with gas daddy, come over and get fucking spanked.” He cocks his gun.

Behind him, Octane is quaking with silent cackles, and in his hysteria accidentally fires off his gun. That suffices as an answer, and all the Legends return to fighting.

“Pff, gas daddy!” Octane howls.

“Fuck off,” Caustic returns.


End file.
